Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Today I was contemplating.....
How much I miss you guys. And how I love this blog. Can we bring it back?!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Butt Massages
My Aerobics class would be quite hysterical to watch as an outside viewer. We dance a lot. Like...really dance. We all know how coordinated Jessica is at that! But dancing can only raise the pulse so high and only begin to cause shortness of breath.
So we do "Power Sessions" between dance segments. That's when you feel ultimate pain and often give up by conveniently noticing how badly you need a drink.
Squats are terrible. We did every variation of them yesterday, I swear! And today, my buttocks finally decided to acknowledge that fact.
I couldn't get out of chairs! I couldn't get out of the car! I couldn't walk up stairs! Due to the serious amounts of pain that I was in, I knew I needed some help. All I could think of was how wonderful a massage would be...a butt massage. But no one will take you serious about that one.
Bill left to go do some work for a client. All alone in the apartment, brilliance struck!
Today I have made a new best friend. He generally specializes in foot massaging, but he consented to giving me a heated butt massage. I cannot thank him enough for saving my poor bottom. I don't think Bill will mind.
Foot massagers are where it's at my friends. They'll solve all your sore muscle woes.
So we do "Power Sessions" between dance segments. That's when you feel ultimate pain and often give up by conveniently noticing how badly you need a drink.
Squats are terrible. We did every variation of them yesterday, I swear! And today, my buttocks finally decided to acknowledge that fact.
I couldn't get out of chairs! I couldn't get out of the car! I couldn't walk up stairs! Due to the serious amounts of pain that I was in, I knew I needed some help. All I could think of was how wonderful a massage would be...a butt massage. But no one will take you serious about that one.
Bill left to go do some work for a client. All alone in the apartment, brilliance struck!
Today I have made a new best friend. He generally specializes in foot massaging, but he consented to giving me a heated butt massage. I cannot thank him enough for saving my poor bottom. I don't think Bill will mind.
Foot massagers are where it's at my friends. They'll solve all your sore muscle woes.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
CANADA!
Ok, ok, ok. So pretty much every day I contemplate Canada, but today I have something GREAT to share.
This is my dream [and perhaps Jessica's too].
Yeah, I'm obsessed. But it's ok!
This is my dream [and perhaps Jessica's too].
Yeah, I'm obsessed. But it's ok!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
a colonoscopy.
Ok, sorry to post twice in two days, but this is just too dang hilarious to keep to myself. And for the physiology nerd that I am, I just couldn't pass up the chance.
I hope you all know what a colonoscopy is, and I hope you appreciate hilarious literature:
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon..
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere... I was seriously nervous at this point.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really.. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
I hope you all know what a colonoscopy is, and I hope you appreciate hilarious literature:
-------------------------------------------
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Jefferson, Ohio.
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Jefferson, Ohio.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon..
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere... I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really.. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
-----------------------------------------
There is your laugh for the day!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
rule breaking.
I am a strict follower of rules. As a child I was very obedient. Look both ways before you cross the street, never touch hot things, ask mommy for help. And as I got older the rules became more and more. No cheating, stop before you turn right at the red light, never lie, pay your tithing. I don't regret any of these things, they have made me who I am.
But lately I've had a weakness. Missionaries. They have lots of rules, and I'm trying so hard to comply with all of them. But I see other people bending the rules and I get so incredibly jealous. Letters are the only thing I have. I won't see him or hear him for 730 days. No instant messaging, no skype, no email, no phone calls, nothing but his written summary of the week. I'm not complaining about my letters, I love them so much, but sometimes I wish I had the guts to bend the rules. Wouldn't that make it just a tad easier? To hear him once? Talk to him, see his face? But that's against the rules, and Ican't won't do that.
But it's sooooo tempting. Especially since everyone does it.
But I'm so glad that Tyson is following the rules. He is trying so hard and won't let anything in the way of his service. I would be a distraction, I know. This is better, right?...
I just don't see any benefit for doing it the right way. They go out and come back, and stay for two years no matter what, so what's the point? Ugh.
So, sometimes I wish I was a rebel. But I just can't bring myself to break the rules.
But lately I've had a weakness. Missionaries. They have lots of rules, and I'm trying so hard to comply with all of them. But I see other people bending the rules and I get so incredibly jealous. Letters are the only thing I have. I won't see him or hear him for 730 days. No instant messaging, no skype, no email, no phone calls, nothing but his written summary of the week. I'm not complaining about my letters, I love them so much, but sometimes I wish I had the guts to bend the rules. Wouldn't that make it just a tad easier? To hear him once? Talk to him, see his face? But that's against the rules, and I
But it's sooooo tempting. Especially since everyone does it.
But I'm so glad that Tyson is following the rules. He is trying so hard and won't let anything in the way of his service. I would be a distraction, I know. This is better, right?...
I just don't see any benefit for doing it the right way. They go out and come back, and stay for two years no matter what, so what's the point? Ugh.
So, sometimes I wish I was a rebel. But I just can't bring myself to break the rules.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Blessings
Upon getting my job this summer I remember that I was very disappointed that I wasn't making 11 or 12 dollars an hour. My measly little $9.75 was alright, but I wished I could have more of a "normal" salary for most CNA's. "Wo" was me.....
I found out today that the average Ukrainian makes just about that much.
Every MONTH.
Yes, the average citizen of Ukraine will make about $12 a month, according to my host teacher. I about fell off my chair. It is not rare for me to spend that much in one night, when I go out to dinner! I knew the was poverty out there, but it never really hit very close to home until then. When I told my host family that our home was 3 stories and had over 10 rooms, they were astonished. And when I told them we had 4 cars at our house... I was almost a little embarassed. I'm not going to lie.
We are so incredibly lucky to live within the means that we do. I am so grateful that I have a deeper appreciation for what I have, and it's only been one full day for me in Ukraine. I can't believe a week ago I was so mad about stupid little things like not receiving my $100 straightener in the mail! Just wow.
Anyway, that's all for now. I've been contemplating a LOT of new things lately as there are so many new things that I am learning, so you'll probably be hearing random thoughts from me again soon :) love you girls and miss you like crazy!!
I found out today that the average Ukrainian makes just about that much.
Every MONTH.
Yes, the average citizen of Ukraine will make about $12 a month, according to my host teacher. I about fell off my chair. It is not rare for me to spend that much in one night, when I go out to dinner! I knew the was poverty out there, but it never really hit very close to home until then. When I told my host family that our home was 3 stories and had over 10 rooms, they were astonished. And when I told them we had 4 cars at our house... I was almost a little embarassed. I'm not going to lie.
We are so incredibly lucky to live within the means that we do. I am so grateful that I have a deeper appreciation for what I have, and it's only been one full day for me in Ukraine. I can't believe a week ago I was so mad about stupid little things like not receiving my $100 straightener in the mail! Just wow.
Anyway, that's all for now. I've been contemplating a LOT of new things lately as there are so many new things that I am learning, so you'll probably be hearing random thoughts from me again soon :) love you girls and miss you like crazy!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
revamp.
Sorry, the former theme was kind of driving me crazy. So I decided to get a more neutral theme and it ended up being a huge order. Bah. I hate blogger. I hate how it likes to keep changing!
If anyone objects please change it. I was looking for something simple that actually worked (hotbliggityblog was being stupid) and so I settled for this. I realized too late that it was Christmasy, but I guess it will work for now.
Please change/update this whenever you desire, it's not just mine! And if you need to be upgraded to an Administrator just tell me. I know we rarely use this blog, but for furture considerations. Especially when we all start living far away, ahem, Kaitlin. And me I guess.
Love you all, hope the change is ok!
Taylor
If anyone objects please change it. I was looking for something simple that actually worked (hotbliggityblog was being stupid) and so I settled for this. I realized too late that it was Christmasy, but I guess it will work for now.
Please change/update this whenever you desire, it's not just mine! And if you need to be upgraded to an Administrator just tell me. I know we rarely use this blog, but for furture considerations. Especially when we all start living far away, ahem, Kaitlin. And me I guess.
Love you all, hope the change is ok!
Taylor
Monday, November 22, 2010
me.
The craziest thing happened to me today! I ran into one of my old high school friends on campus--Logan Brown. He was here for SOAR and saw me in the TSC waiting for a class to start. Total flashback! I haven't seen or even heard from him in a year and a half and all the sudden he is looking at me!
I was contemplating this encounter later and I took a step back and looked at myself. Who am I? But more importantly, who am I compared to who I was in high school? I'm much more confident and self assured, and I am Taylor, not a copy-cat of someone else. I am me and no one else. I've stopped catering to other's desires. I have my own sense of simple fashion, and I like who I am. (I really like my longer hair too, I'm not sure how I stood those years of looking like a boy...) I am a home-body and I love being in quiet, comfortable places. I like having just a few close friends instead of lots of loose associations. I am independent and can entirely take care of myself (if you ignore my issues with nutrition... I like cookies ok?). I have made some important decisions all by myself, and I know how to follow what the Lord wants me to do.
Some of these things haven't changed a ton, but some of them have changed a LOT. I feel like an entirely different person from the one that left Springville High School a year and a half ago. Thank you USU for changing me and for helping me accept myself. And thanks to great roommates who put up with all this silliness. :)
I was contemplating this encounter later and I took a step back and looked at myself. Who am I? But more importantly, who am I compared to who I was in high school? I'm much more confident and self assured, and I am Taylor, not a copy-cat of someone else. I am me and no one else. I've stopped catering to other's desires. I have my own sense of simple fashion, and I like who I am. (I really like my longer hair too, I'm not sure how I stood those years of looking like a boy...) I am a home-body and I love being in quiet, comfortable places. I like having just a few close friends instead of lots of loose associations. I am independent and can entirely take care of myself (if you ignore my issues with nutrition... I like cookies ok?). I have made some important decisions all by myself, and I know how to follow what the Lord wants me to do.
Some of these things haven't changed a ton, but some of them have changed a LOT. I feel like an entirely different person from the one that left Springville High School a year and a half ago. Thank you USU for changing me and for helping me accept myself. And thanks to great roommates who put up with all this silliness. :)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Surprises
I know I hugged those involved like 12 times last night and hopefully said thank you just as many times, but...
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
My surprise party last night was so completely fantastic! My birthday parties have been getting better and better every year and this was no exception. I love you all from the bottom of my heart! Thanks for all the fond memories.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
My surprise party last night was so completely fantastic! My birthday parties have been getting better and better every year and this was no exception. I love you all from the bottom of my heart! Thanks for all the fond memories.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
a new blog. really.
Well kids, after much encouragement from extremely random people, I started a blog of my own. kait-ann.blogspot.com it is, and I could really, really use some help/inspiration/advice. I am pretty much completely lost on how to do anything! I tried to change the background and the font, and . . . HA! disaster. Sigh. Hopefully I'll catch on soon enough. For now, I need some help from all you amazing bloggers who make it look so stinkin' easy and have the cutest blogs ever. If you wouldn't mind? Or get a spare moment?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Love you all.
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Love you all.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
school starting again.
Today:
Number of times I checked each of your blogs: at least 16. AT LEAST!
Minutes spent on Facebook: 189
Minutes spent attempting to write a new post for MY blog but being easily distracted: 98
I NEED SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE TO DO WITH MY LIFE!! I'm so completely ecstatic to move back to my beloved Logan!
Hooray for moving back, having something to do with my time, and being within walking distance of fantastic friends! :)
This weekend = party time!
Number of times I checked each of your blogs: at least 16. AT LEAST!
Minutes spent on Facebook: 189
Minutes spent attempting to write a new post for MY blog but being easily distracted: 98
I NEED SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE TO DO WITH MY LIFE!! I'm so completely ecstatic to move back to my beloved Logan!
Hooray for moving back, having something to do with my time, and being within walking distance of fantastic friends! :)
This weekend = party time!
school.
I've been looking forward to school so I can have a life again. This life in limbo is killing me. I'm so excited for Old Farm and meeting new people and a new ward. And all of my classes are going to be cake pretty much except for one English 2300. "An Introduction to Shakespeare." I was desperate ok? I needed to fill credits. It's my only hard-ish class, so I can do it, right?
Today I got this in the mail.
The complete works of William Shakespeare. As thick as my fist. Scary much?
Today I got this in the mail.
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